On Puking....

Unfortunately I do not have an old photo of puke 

to post up- 

That's right friends- It's been a while

since I've been on my knees in front of a 

toilet.  

Or out on the streets, hunched over

a sidewalk, holding on to a building that's swaying back 

and forth...

I remember performing this ritual quite often,

(usually due to misadventure, seldom to illness), 

it agonized me.  How can something so good make you 

feel so bad 10 hours later???  

The ABSOLUTE worse of these many instances was on my 20th bday.

My folks decided to take me out to Red Lobster for dinner

(why they would take a vegetarian there is beyond me).

I showed up very hungover from the week long Luis-Palooza

that had been taken place in El Monte and Norwalk and East LA.

My dad recognized my condition immediately and shot me a look 

of disappointment.  My mom though I was......  my mom was in denial.

The kicker was trying not to puke in my mom's new Camry though.

Holding puke in is 100 times worse than trying to hold a shit BTW-

Anyways... I couldn't hold it much longer.  I ended puking out the side 

of the car as we approached the valet parking... 

That's right folks, Red Lobster has a valet.

Worse night of my life (up to that point).

The Big P!

It is fairly unfavorable (in my culture) to be an un-married man 

at 30 but I'm ok with it.
Because you know, Marriage is only for the brave. The truly brave.
The whole thing goes against the most basic human urges and impulses.
The whole deal is a bit archaic and overtly complicated.  Anyone entering 

this is of a valiant nature.

 
BUT- when 2 people find each other, and love each other SO much that
they decide to enter this deal...well- 

I have to really applaud and support
that. 

'Aint NO Shame for the Shameless

The reason I'm friends with those that I consider such is because
we all share one thing in common... We're all fishy.

It's true dudes- we know our secrets,
Thank God no one else does.

Q?

Is it necessary to read about food as you eat?
I'm not entirely sure, but if I was a philosopher I'd be wearing a toga

KEV

I've known this cook for a while. He broke up with a girl
and we bonded over
reggae and wine.
Summer/2001.
I love him.

Sometimes I get all existential and moody and try to come up with really long titles to blog post....I'm deep and I read a lot of books by dead people

Yup- that happens sometimes doesn't it?

White Lies

One of the everlasting, secondary effects of a brain
that has not quietly floated in a sea of liquor in a long while
is the inability to tell white lies.

I used to be a master at this craft.
Some said I should've gone into politics -I was so
good at it.

Well- I cant go into politics anymore
It's to the confessional for me.

THEY THREW ME AT THE LIONS AND SOMEHOW I SURVIVED

If your 11 year old son is playing with carrots
(+ other vegetables of similar shape), and
sticking them up his butt......

Chances are he's gay.

Please spare him a teenagehood
of pain and come out to him before he comes out to you.

Signs

They are all around us.
We either pay attention to them
or we don't.
Either way things tend to get kinda muddy.

I used to think that the world
was black and white.
It is about 90% of the time.
That other 10% though-

That's the real killer

Childhood Dinner

My aunt Chayo used to make me
and my cousins pancakes for dinner.
This was a real treat for me as my mother
never would have made me such things to eat
late at night.

Now, I often times indulge in my most novel
and simple pleasure, no matter how nostalgic
it might be.

N/A

I've become quieter and a bit more introverted
as these years move along. For better or for worse.

Then, sometimes it all comes spurting out.
Like a freshly tapped oil well-
BOOM!!!! (Feelings and thoughts).

It can be a bit much, especially to people
whom you've just met.

Will we ever be together like this again?

Terminations are hard. Separations are harder.
With a termination you know it's over and done with.
Separations are a total gray area.
There is alot of uncertainty involved
and can be full of sad surprises.

Danka!

Thanks to he good people at the PNCA for taking me in.
Now I need 80k.
If you're rich and read this from time to time
(Mr. Kassim from United Arab Emirates please call me)
pitch in a few bucks and make an immigrants dream a reality......

Keep on Believing

It's hard out there. Harder still is finding someone that will accept you despite all of your
financial and aesthetic shortcomings. When you find that person- hold on to them like
they were the last life jacket on the Titanic.

Faith in the Future

I'm very bummed out over some deeply personal things...
I will say that having faith in the universe is completely
essential to living on this planet and is helping me in this difficult time.
How else could anyone possibly function?

I'm not talking about religion or anything organized with rules
and traditions and formalities (though I am a proud Catholic).

I'm just talking about the day to day business of being human.
It's hard to live with cognitive thought and opposable thumbs.

We have this heavy burden on our shoulders,
the burden of thinking- the capability of thought is both wonderful and very disturbing.

It means that we are constantly thinking about things- everything from the mundane to the fantastical.
Somewhere in between we make decisions that will impact our lives in ways that we will not be totally sure of
until years later.
This is a very scary prospect.
We are speculating on the outcome of our decisions and we will have to
live with the consequences perpetually.

This is totally fucked up.